Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Sorry I have to vent

So it hasn't been a great week for Jeremy. He has been on numerous missions off post, not to mention his sleepless nights due to attacks on his post. Most of you have probably noticed that things are getting worse out there. Please pray hard for Jeremy and the troops. Remember them when you think you have had a bad day!! He is safe and doing fine, I don't want to worry anyone. I have a couple of newsletters I am going to post on here within a day or two. I have to ask Jeremy and make sure it is okay to post them first. They are very informative! His commander writes once a month to the families about everything they are doing and he sends pictures too.

As for myself, this is night number two without sleep. I've tried Benadryl and Dramamine and they don't phase me at all! I just can't sleep when I know what he is going through. In fact, I talked to him for a minute at about 11:00 p.m. (he had to go, said he would call me back) and I'm still waiting on his call...and it is after 6 a.m. My closet and cabinets are so organized it is borderline ridiculous!! So anyway, since the violence has gotten worse things are just really hard on both of us. I can't do anything to help him and that bothers me. I know others have it worse than we do and I am so grateful for everything we have been blessed with BUT.....

Lately people have been telling me I look tired, like I'm having a bad day, sick, worn out, upset, angry, grumpy, etc. I respond with a simple answer (like well I'm just stressed or haven't had much sleep) Then if they ask why I tell them basically that I'm just ready for Jeremy to get home. Reminder: I did not ask to even talk about the deployment, in fact I usually try not to!!! The usual response from people (that aren't in the military) is: "Well, these guys signed up for it" Jeremy will tell you that what you sign up for and what you get are two totally different things. He is very happy to defend his country, he did sign up for that; but sadly a lot of these guys aren't told the WHOLE truth up front. Anyway, I guess you can probably tell that I am so tired of the attitudes from people that have never been in this situation. They have no idea what it is like and I am tired of defending our right hurt, as if it isn't hard enough.

Found this on the army wife website...

"The goodbyes are what make the hellos so wonderful."


For all of you who wake up in the morning, lay there for a few moments, trying to swallow the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wonder where your soldier is, or how he's doing...

For all of you who start a countdown the minute he leaves, and continue to until he is back in your arms again...

For all of you who tear up every time "Far Away" comes on the radio, or who press repeat when "Come Home Soon" plays in their car...

For all the times we roll our eyes when another girl is depressed because she hasn't seen her guy in a week...

For all of you who see Army billboards, ads in the paper, or commercials on TV and next notice the tears rolling down your cheeks...

For all the times we sleep with our phones on the loudest possible volume, not wanting to miss the call that just MIGHT come...

For all the times we hear our soldier's name mentioned out loud, and are momentarily frozen...

For all the late nights that we spend alone, cuddling with our stuffed animals, wearing his PT's, and clutching our hearts...

This one's for us.

We may feel weak on the inside, but on the outside we're strong.
We may be drowning in tears on the inside, but on the outside we are a rock.
We may want to crawl in bed and sleep until he comes home, but instead we get up and go on with our daily lives.
We may feel like we're slowly dying with each day we spend apart from them, but we put one foot in front of the other, and take each day as it comes.

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